After retreating to bed with my proverbial "tail between my legs" resounding in my head was a word... "FAILURE"... an ugly word, to be sure, but one that crops up for me every now and again. I don't even know exactly why. I'm not particularly prone to fail, but the thought leads to a feeling which leads to an action which leads to a result, and on the cycle continues. However, this occasion I was reminded of a time about 6 or 7 years ago. I was riding in a vehicle with Brett & Sadie who was, at the time, somewhere between 2 and 3 years of age. I remember throwing up my hands in frustration and saying to Brett, "Sometimes I just feel like such a F-A-I-L-U-R-E!" Now I spelled, because I didn't want Sadie to pick up on such a negative word. Sadie was an early talker - putting 2-3 words together by 7 months of age. At the time, of course, since she was my first child I was pretty sure she was a genius, but I've since come to find her very bright, along the lines of most children her age I would imagine. I don't consider her particularly advanced. However, that night, from a tiny little voice in a car seat in the back of our van, came these words, "Mom, you're not a 'failer'." Huh? I'm sorry, but how could she have possibly had a clue what I was spelling? I'm not even sure her dad had kept up with me.
This incident was brought starkly to my mind tonight as I struggled over my seeming inadequacy to understand such a simple task. I personally believe that God doesn't allow a single thing into my life that He won't use to grow me, remind me, love me, or discipline me. I know many would disagree with me, but it's an approach to life that has given me peace as I walk along what are sometimes discouraging paths. As long as I believe there is a point to my present circumstances, I find myself much more able to endure them with patience and a positive attitude.
The point is, I AM, in fact, a "failer". I do, at times, fail to do things that I should. I fail to thank someone who deserves it. I fail to encourage a child who needs it. I fail to treat my husband with respect or love. I fail to remove a grilled cheese from the griddle before it gets burned on one side (resulting in a scraping of the burnt part into the trash - hopefully before anyone has noticed it was ever tainted). However, if I were to let those types of events define who I am, I would feel like a failUre all the time. What a difference a "u" can make. "Failers" can learn from their mistakes, but "failures" are too beaten down and full of self-pitty to attempt to rise above that little letter "u".
Maybe it was a miracle that my sweet baby girl spoke that truth into my life all those years ago. What she meant so sweetly still resonates with me clearly today. I'm not a "failure". I am weak, but that's by design. I can thank the Lord for it, because 2 Cor. 12:9-10 says, "9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
By God's grace, I am certainly STRONG tonight, and that's a much easier word to sleep on. :)
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