Mild to Moderate Road Rage

Tonight, as we were driving home from - where else - church, a car was approaching us from the other direction. Although in their proper lane, the driver had failed to disengage his or her high beams, momentarily blinding me. Apparently I said, "Turn off your brights, nimrod." I had failed to notice my commentary until it was highlighted by my husband. As I heard him scoff and say, "Nice." I said, "What?" He said, in a nauseatingly female imitation voice, "Turn off your brights, nimrod!" I didn't even realize what I had said until he repeated it. Don't get me wrong, I doubt I'd take it back even now, if I had the chance. After all, I admittedly have what I would call mild to moderate road rage. It rarely comes out in anything more than, "Punch it, Grandpa." or "Where's the turn signal, ya jerk?" with the occasional, "Turn off your signal, Granny... Really, how can you not hear that??" thrown in. I rarely even notice my auto lingo unless it's pointed out by a beloved passenger. You know the bright-flasher? The one who is quick to hop on the brights if you are late to turn yours off? That's me.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's not really something I make an effort at taming either. I have to admit - it's not pretty. It's just more of a habit - ages in the making. You see, things like road rage are "harmless" ways of expressing inner frustrations, right? Or maybe it's just that I have a standard for the way others should drive. If they're not meeting my standards, I feel free to express my frustrations verbally. They can't hear me anyway, right? But there are usually little ears in my car who can easily hear what I'm saying. I imagine I might feel shocked if Levi calls Violet a "nimrod" one of these days. After all, I'm not entirely sure what "nimrod" even means in the negative sense. I'm not sure why it makes me so mad when people don't drive the way I would have them drive. I mean, there are times when I am distracted to the point of leaving my brights on - not my turn signal, of course, but my brights, maybe... once or twice... hardly ever.

Some things are learned by example. Some things are merely instinct. For example, I watched in amazement this evening as Levi, my three year old, did something I had never seen. While donning his PJ's, he kicked off his CARS underoos. From standing on the floor, he managed somehow to kick them into the air and onto the blade of a ceiling fan. It happened so fast, that it took us a minute or so to even locate the missing underwear. As we located them, however, his eyes turned from a look of confusion to one of enchantment, and he went to try out the fan switch. After the third or fourth full blade rotation, the underwear sailed off the fan blade, across the room, and landed atop his head. I looked over at my husband to see a sparkle in his eyes - pride mixed with a little bit of jealousy. These kind of moves are the stuff a grown man dreams of doing, I imagine. I have seen my husband do a bit of fancy underwear-related footwork. (Shhh...) None of this caliber, but I can say that Levi has never seen this. He didn't take underwear foot-flinging lessons from my husband. He just got it by instinct, apparently.

So I won't blame things like my road rage on a poor upbringing. I'll blame it on a pattern of my flesh. It wants others to be more like me. After all, I am special. I am right. It's kind of funny, because I have met some people who like to blame people like me for the ills of society. As though, if I would stop thinking that people should be more like me and just let them be them, then the world would be a better place. I agree with this to a point, but I also see it as utter hypocrisy. It's a hypocrisy that says, "If you would be more like me - letting others be more like themselves - then the world would be a better place." It's the same flesh pattern - just a stage more complicated. I recognize that road rage is silly. In fact, I think that's part of where mine originates - in the ridiculous. After all, I know logically that no amount of muttering from my car with my windows up is going to shame someone else into more responsible use of a turn signal. I just enjoy the creativity that comes with the private mock superiority. It's funny to me.

The truth is that it is people like me who are to blame for the ills of society... and people like you. Whether we like to admit it or not, there are ugly parts of us all that need to be changed... dead parts that need revived... dim parts that need brightened... and dull parts that need shined. The key is that it doesn't start with that "moron" who left his signal on for the last 5 miles on the interstate. It starts with me. Oh, yeah, and that's where it ends too. No amount of changing that anyone else could do would make me content if I am, myself, unchanged. I am glad I don't have to try to change on my own strength.

¹⁹ For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God.²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousnesscomes through the law, then Christ died in vain.”