Questions Only a Parent Would Ask

I suppose it's about time I blog again. I somehow can't seem to find the time with 4 kids and one on the way. :) Imagine that!

I've been formulating this one, day by day, as motherhood passes me by - ever so slowly. I don't want to take a moment for granted, yet I do it anyway. The latest thoughts have to do with questions I never would have asked before I had children. These things never would have occurred to me. I've seen similar e-mail forwards, but I thought these applied specifically to me. Feel free to add some of your own in the comment section, as I LOVE to know that I'm not alone. Some have answers. Some, to this day, have an answer known only to a toddler.

Q1. Why is this (unsharpened) pencil in my shower?

Q2: Why has my laundry basket been colored (quite thoroughly) in red marker? How long did this take? Where was I? Didn't that marker say "washable"?

A2: Because your 20 month old has just learned how to uncap markers and thought that a white laundry basket was just not colorful enough. About 5 minutes. Changing loads of laundry. Yes, but it lied.

Q3: Why are there 6 (unsharpened) pencils in my gas fireplace?

Q4: How could a toddler put a wooden spoon in a gas fireplace vent in such a way that the Incredible Hulk would be hard-pressed to remove it?

Q5: How many pieces will a glass Christmas ornament shatter into and how far will the tiny glass shards travel?

A5: Now I know where glitter comes from.

Q6: Why are there 12 (unsharpened) pencils stuffed down my living room air ducts?

Q7: Why did the pediatrician scold me for letting my toddler hold a plastic straw? I figure... "he falls on it, it bends... unlike unsharpened pencils"

FACT: Outlet covers AND paperclips both fit NICELY into those little holes where electricity comes out.

ADDITIONAL FACT: Toddlers startle quite easily when being screamed at about putting paperclips into outlets. He probably was more shocked by that than he would have been by the actual event, had it happened.

Q8: Didn't I just buy a package of 24 unsharpened pencils? They couldn't just get up and walk away... or could they?

Q9: What happened to that Box Top for Education that I just left here on the counter?

Q10 & A9: (24 hours after Q9) Why is there a Box Top for Education in my son's dirty diaper?

Q11: Who says Box Tops for Education are good for kids?

Q12: Can a caterpillar be kept as a pet? If so, how?

A12: Yes, but the process is entirely more complex than caring for a cat or dog.

Q13: Can a caterpillar be held and caressed as one would a cat or dog?

A13: Yes and NO.

Q14: How long will a caterpillar keep its fur once held and caressed as one would a cat or dog?

A14: Not long enough.

Q15: Does a caterpillar really need all that fur to survive?

A15: YES.

Q16: Are caterpillar funerals appropriate?

A16: A decent backyard matchbox burial is appropriate.

Q17: Do tadpoles make good pets?

A17: Yes, if you do not take the word "pet" to mean that it can actually be held and caressed as one would a cat or dog.

Q18: How long can tadpoles survive a good petting?

A18: Not long enough to grow legs and hop away.

Q19: How fast can a Leopard Frog hop?

A19: With significant motivation (ie. a 4 year old chasing it) - fast enough to make a 4 year old cry.

Q20: Do alligator snapping turtles make good pets?

A20: If you plan to live 100 years, have a large bathtub you never use, have fingers that are impervious to being bitten off, and don't mind a foul smell and disposition - ABSOLUTELY.

Q21: How does one return an alligator snapping turtle to the wild when daddy has just told the kids they can keep him?

A21: Have daddy take the kids to Dairy Queen while turtle and mommy take a walk.

Q22: (courtesy of my nephew) Do baby bunnies with eyes still shut like to take a ride down the slide on our swing set?

A22: They love it. They even come back to visit sometimes.



Well, I guess that's all I have for now. I'm sure there will be more forthcoming. I have one final anecdote to share.

After we got our new van a few years back, my husband (who is obsessed with a clean car) took regular rounds of washing, waxing, straightening up, and vacuuming it nicely. I was sharing this one day with my friends, and I said, "Seriously, you could eat off the floor of my van!" To which one of my dear friends replied, "You could eat off the floor my van too... french fries, goldfish crackers..." I guess that aptly describes us all. I might have a neat van (sometimes), but my closets are a mess. :) Here's to spending the time I would spend on closets with the four (soon to be five) little gems that God has seen fit to give me. I'll have clean closets when I'm 60. Or will I?

God bless all, and enjoy the ride!!!

Pets or Playthings?

We had a few of our newest critters take "the longest walk" this week. Claire had found a toad in their window well. She held and played with him too much, and he died a very exhausted and dried out kind of death some 24 hours later. She also acquired a Leopard Frog which we took very good care of for a couple days until Josiah and Claire were passing it between them and he (fortunately for him) made his escape very quickly (likely motivated by fear of meeting toad's same gruesome fate). Fortunately for us (and equally as unfortunately for him), the kids caught a bullfrog tadpole in the pond at the park on Sunday. I told Claire that since she was at a death toll of 3 pets in 7 days (including "Mater" - a tomato horn worm that we kept for just a few short days till he was handled to death), she was on her last try with a pet for awhile. Well, the tadpole made it home in one piece in his paper cup, but was also handled to the point of extinction (within a record time of 3 hours). So... we have decided not to adopt any more critters unless they like to be handled and petted, because the fuzz rubs right off of caterpillars after being "petted" to excess, as we have found. Mommy's conscience cannot take the grizzly deaths of any more of God's creatures (great or small) - at least not whilst pregnant. Claire has gotten quite accustomed to death and loss, however, and takes it like a champ - looking immediately for the next victim... I mean pet. She isn't even bothering to name them anymore. I'm thinking we might just take a page from the pork producers and just start spray painting big numbers on their backs as they come into our fated possession.