~ Grease Monkeys ~

I rarely take all of my children on more than an errand or two in town. I usually just wait till my love gets home around 4:00 PM and do my running around after that. I think stores that stay open late promote tranquility and sanity for moms. I have often found myself - during later evening hours - dancing down grocery store aisles (they have the best music) all alone with nobody saying, "Mom, you're embarrassing me." Who is trying to crawl beneath the cart or standing on the sides of it? Nobody. Nobody is standing to the right and left of my elbows either, resulting in what I think of as the Millater Battering Ram... 3 people and a shopping cart wide - plus two whirlwind toddlers in, on, or hanging off of the sides of the cart. People see us coming down the bakery aisle and decide they didn't really need bread after all. That's what I would do in that situation. I'd think, "We have tortillas anyway... never had PB&J on tortillas."

Sometimes, when it seems like it's been a long time since I've taken all the children on errands with me I start to think, "It really wasn't that bad last time. I think I can manage it." For the record... that's just stupidity talking. I tend to forget certain things too easily... like the time I was putting groceries in my boxes at Aldi when the giant Aldi cart fell over on top of Claire (who had been standing on the side of the cart). She was not even quite 3 at the time, and I had no idea that was even possible! I must have pulled enough weight out of the inside of the cart, because as I was putting things in the boxes, I heard a crash and screaming, and half the store was rushing to my side to help me pull the cart off my screaming toddler. OR... the time when Levi crawled under the cart at Walmart while I was talking to a friend and scooted just far enough down the narrowing rungs on the cart to get his knobby knee hopelessly stuck. He was screaming so loud that people came from aisles around wondering what I had done to him. OR... the time when Claire had to go to the bathroom and, while I was headed toward the family restroom, she ended up walking into the men's. She was in there 10 minutes, and I thought she was in the women's the whole time. We searched the women's restroom and started to head down coronary alley as she sauntered out of the men's room swinging her sweatshirt in the air. I said, "Claire, didn't you notice that was the men's room?" She said, "What? It is?" I said, "Yes, didn't you think it was strange that there were men in there?" She replied casually, "There were only a few." These are the annals of Millater shopping lore.

Somehow I always think that the next time will be different. However, today was no exception. We decided to meet my sister at the library for an hour around 10:00. Austin is usually my right arm when we do things like this, because he's my extra set of adult eyes (not always hands, but at least he sees what they're doing). It's hard when each one heads a different direction as soon as we enter the building - trying to keep track of where everyone is and what they're doing. Aside from Levi and Violet personally tasting every, single item of pretend food the library owns and Violet nearly leaving the library with a strange man, things went pretty well.

On to the UPS store. I got distracted on the way to the UPS store and thought I was going to Walmart. So after I got parked and all of the kids unloaded at Walmart, I realized to my joy and pain that I didn't need to be at Walmart at all. So everyone got back into their seats (to the refrain of weeping and wailing from the younger two), and we headed over to UPS. The package delivery went without incident, and we headed to the pool store, which also went without incident, because everyone stayed in their seats.

Then... Jiffy Lube. On a good day, I'm not fond of Jiffy Lube. It smells funny. The floor is always filthy. The chairs have some sort of sticky residue on them. The magazine selection consists of Field and Stream and racing fare. The bathroom is unisex and, therefore, an adventure in disgustingness. They always give you the "you know nothing about your vehicle" shame fest/sales pitch. Oh, but they offer complimentary coffee and water. There's only one catch - you have to bring your own cups - and your own coffee and/or water. (Nearly every time I go, there is no coffee, very little water, and no cups.) The added joy of bringing children to Jiffy Lube is the tiny lobby, the grimy toys (that I'm sure have never made the acquaintance of a Lysol wipe), the greasy floors, the stale air, the rickety candy machines in the corner, and the almost (but not quite) empty water cooler with no cups.

On this particular occasion, we had not yet eaten lunch at 11:34 AM when we pulled in, and we were in a rather lengthy line. We didn't pull out of Jiffy Lube until 12:34 PM (which is a whole other meridian), which means that it wasn't as much "jiffy" as it was "lube". I doubt they'd bring in as many customers if they called it Sluggish Lube or even Sluggish, Dirty, and Bring Your Own Cups Lube. However, if they had a suggestion box, I might have been tempted to comment, "if you advertise a 'no butt crack view guarantee', you might bring in some more customers." The kids didn't seem to mind. They were craning their necks to see the goings on in the big shop next to the lobby... the men working together like a big, hairy, well-oiled machine. The first 5 1/2 minutes went smoothly as the kids were interested in the grimy toys they only see about 3 times per year. But after they had emptied the lego container onto the floor and table and taken all the pieces out of the 3 puzzles, they were unimpressed and began to move on to the non-toy toys. I was trying to track down a book to read to the kids as I turned around to see Levi thoroughly licking the front window right under the OPEN sign. As I searched, next to the actual two styrofoam cups they had for (nonexistent) napkins to clean up the slobbery slime/grime combo on the window, Violet found a broken popsicle stick in the garbage can and proceeded to suck on the sharp end of one and round end of the other before I could reach her. As I was taking that away from her and re-trashing it, I looked to find Levi swinging the cord of the OPEN sign around his head - barely missing his sisters' faces as they were squealing. The sign was swaying back and forth precariously like it could fall any second. He had apparently unplugged the sign and was using the cord as a mace. As I re-plugged it, an elderly man, who had walked in earlier, snickered at one or all of us. We decided to share a styrofoam cup of water (the last dribbles of water from the cooler) - just for something to do, but as I was trying to prevent an accident involving a chair, the water got dumped on the floor and on Sadie.

The man in charge of customer service came over for my sale's pitch - which was punctuated by intermittent "Can we go to Donalds?" from Levi and a polite smile from the salesman. He told me a flat out lie about my vehicle mileage/oil change ("per the manufacturer") frequency, and I told him he was wrong and offered to show him the vehicle manual on the subject... to which he responded that the vehicle manual assumes we are using synthetic oil, and then he tried to sell me the synthetic oil at 3x the price of regular oil. I had a 50% off coupon, but that still didn't sound like a deal to me. Short on time, and desperate to leave, I pulled the ol', "I'm just a brainless woman, and I have to talk to my husband before I change anything with our vehicles," routine (which always works since it's a different guy every time). After accepting a half price tire rotation, I sat down to play with the kids until the van was done. They had brought in two stuffed animals, which they had been throwing up in the air - and after the Sheltie narrowly missed the elderly man, I decided a safer game would be for Claire and Levi to throw them to me and I would throw them back to them. They stood back against the wall below the counter to play catch with mom. It went well for about 75 seconds until Levi got excited and jumped up as he threw resulting in a loud crack of the top of his head against the bottom of the countertop and loud screaming and wailing. Shortly after I got him calmed down, the man came with my car keys, and I wanted to kiss his feet. After chasing around my Grease Monkeys for a full hour, I was ready for the relief a couple of car seats provide.

The exhaustion of running errands with the children makes me wonder where I'm going wrong sometimes. I realize that there are 6 of us who all want our way, and that has a part to play. I want my children to, not just learn to pick up their toys, but to learn to take responsibility for their actions. I want them to gradually put away their childish ways as they grow older. Lately I've been reading about the putting away of "childish things". 1 Corinthians 13:9-12 says, ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part;¹⁰but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. ¹¹When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. ¹²For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. It makes me wonder how many of my childish things I have yet to put away... selfishness, complaining, slandering, ungratefulness, procrastination, and the desire to be entertained, - even insecurities... so many things that I see in myself that shouldn't be so pronounced anymore. These things make life difficult. Because of these things, I have friction with those who surround me, with those I love. I am stunted in my growth. I can only get so far in my relationships, in my personal growth, in my spiritual walk, all of it - before I am frustrated and thwarted by those childish ways.

Verse 12 makes me happy though - it says that although I now only know God partially, understand spiritual reality dimly, and only slightly understand my purpose - I am fully known by a Father who wants to help me put away my childish ways. He enables me to put things in their proper place. He works with me to help me grow up into a person who is okay with acknowledging my own weakness and dependency. With my own children, I am training them for physical independence... so that they will be able to meet their own needs. God is training me to recognize my dependence... so that I will remember where to go to get my needs met. Of course, independence is only an illusion anyway - we are still always connected to one another - if only in our need. We are certainly connected to our power source... that which keeps our heart beating in our chest... our Battery. I can be thankful for those needs, because they always lead me to the Source of their meeting.

I poke fun at the folks at Jiffy Lube, but, to their credit, they have always done an excellent job taking care of our vehicles. They meet a need for our family too. Running errands with my grease monkeys is never easy, but it's always a learning experience.