I had a little fun with this one. I've been meaning to go back and check out old FB statuses so that I could keep them like a journal. Tonight I actually took the time to do it. If you can't tell, FB statuses happen to be my creative outlet. Maybe it's because I don't have time to do much else these days, but I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them.
...less than 3.5 hours till Friday! Sometimes I think I've entered an alternate reality. One's into eating trash; another one is into taunting and pistol whipping a sock monkey; and I think I bought 30 pounds of potatoes this week as a result of pure distraction. I love my life, but the weekend may be the only thing keeping me sane.
...Violet has used her new-found operational knowledge of screw-top lids to dump an entire container of super-concentrated detergent all over the laundry room floor while mom was trying to make herself some lunch. On the bright side the laundry room floor hasn't been this clean in...maybe ever. I burned about 50 extra calories in cleanup efforts, and Violet learned to soap skate, which may someday be an Olympic event....anxiously awaits the day when the toilet (and its associates) will become objects of disgust rather than objects of fascination for Violet. That irreversible event will be accompanied by celebratory feasting at the Slagter house.
...Give a child a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a child to fish, and you'll feed him for a lifetime. Teach a child to spell, and he'll write "Clean Me!" on your dusty surfaces.
...When I'm trying on clothes in a department store dressing room, I inevitably get to the point of putting my own clothes back on, and I think, "When did I think these looked good?"...Looney Toons - now Levi knows how to say "Awww... SHADDAP!" and "I taught I caught a Booty Cat" (which doesn't make any sense, but at least isn't mean). Sorry if my son tells you or yours to "Awww... SHADDAP!" Irresponsible parenting.
...is discovering that the acceptable level of chaos in this household has increased exponentially with the birth of each child. I'm thanking God that so has the grace and stamina to handle it all!
...as I'm reading the girls "Treasures in the Snow" tonight...Claire: Mom, is Goofy married? Me: Goofy who? Claire: Goofy has a son, but there isn't any mom. Me: Are you paying any attention to this book? Claire: Maybe he's adopted. Sadie: He can't be adopted, he has the same voice and the same buck teeth as his dad!
...watching Levi play air guitar to Vivaldi. For some reason he hasn't learned the air violin yet.
...Levi told me this morning, "Mom, I think you need to stop bossing me around." I think he's onto me.
...Darn you, girlscouts, and your delicious, character-building cookies! If only character was the only thing your cookies help grow.
...is taken aback that my parents allow my children to fish in their aquarium. They actually pull up a step stool and give them poles. Never in 1,000,000 years would they have allowed us to do that as children. Is pushover-ness the first stage of senility?
...is cleaning up from an incident with a badminton racket and a Christmas ornament.
...finds it mildly amusing that when Violet sees Levi's pacifier anywhere and pops it in her mouth, once he notices the "injustice", he dramatically removes it from her mouth saying, "ew, ew!" and proceeds to wipe it off on his clothes, the carpet, the furniture, and yes, even the trash can, to remove unwanted germs. As if any of those surfaces are less objectionable, sanitarily speaking, than his baby sister's mouth.
...is having fun with the kids - rolling over bubble wrap with the office chair. Good times... GREAT education. :)
...is on FB while Mark is watching Grumpy Old Men... proving once again that my affection for people is directly proportional to his disdain for them. :)
...remembers when "Did he swallow the hook?" used to be a fishing phrase. Now it just has to do with toddlers and Christmas tree ornaments.
The girls are trying to teach Violet to walk - having her walk between them. (Overheard) Sadie: Claire, let's get some crackers, and then we can train her like a dog. Claire: Violet? Want some num nums? Violet: Num num. Sadie: Good, now we know how to get her to do something. And so the dysfunction begins.
So I'm on the phone with my dental insurance company, and they put me on hold. I get the elevator music/pre-recorded messages which included a lecture about bad breath (how it's caused, what it indicates, and how to prevent it). For a split second, I found myself a little offended. It would have been more effective had it been preceded by the phrase "please breathe into your telephone receiver".
So this morning when Mark started the van a bunch of dog food flew out of the tailpipe. So either the dog would rather have steak or Levi got creative again. It was actually kind of cool... got some distance... and now, the cleanup.
Levi (aka "the pantsless chef") was helping me peel an onion tonight, and we were talking about onions, and he started saying, "This onion... it makes me sad, BOOHOOHOO!" I had him sitting on the counter, and he was messing around and fell into the trash can. He said, "I gotta go tell dad I fell in the trash." This is apparently a guy moment.
(with regard to whether or not the neighbors should get pie or cookies for Christmas) "Two sets of them we know pretty well - one we talk to about weekly, and the other Levi met in their driveway, naked from the waist down (he was, they weren't). So I think that pretty much makes us family. They deserve pie for that. The rest get cookies. :)
...laughs in the face of expiration dates.
...just got home from a GREAT trip with my hubby. I was thinking the whole time how nice anonymity was. (Insert Cheers music here.) "Sometimes you wanna go where nobody knows your name... And they didn't even notice that you came... You wanna go where nobody knows your name." Does that mean I'm antisocial?
...wonders how many times children can randomly vomit for no apparent reason on a Thanksgiving trip to Grandma's... GOOD times. Grandma sprayed so much Lysol in our van that I think my nose hair was incinerated.
...is annoyed by mail-in rebates. Call me ungrateful, but an entire system built around the hope that people will forget, misplace, or lose interest is destined to work against people like me. Do you want your $5 check badly enough to get out your scissors, envelope, and stamp, fill out a 2-page form, and drive it to the post office, wait for your check to come 2 months later, and take it to the bank to get it cashed?
...is whelmed.
...got to sweep the floor with no kids around! Translation: Nobody walked through my dirt! Ah, the luxuries a mother enjoys...
...is getting ready to go get New Mooned. *Yawn* Wonder if this old lady is up for a midnight movie??
...thinks solitary confinement might be significantly worse torture if they threw a few teething toddlers and a hormonal 31 year old woman in the mix.
Levi is of the opinion that "dolphins are just skinny whales".
...thinks "fun size" candy bars should be called "no fun size" candy bars.
...is in the tooth season of parenting. I spend half the nights up with teething toddlers or being the tooth fairy for the "unteething" ones. At this rate, I may not be done with teeth until I lose all my own. Does the tooth fairy visit geriatrics?
...Violet is eating Levi's puzzle pieces, and he keeps taking them out of her mouth saying, "You're trouble! You're trouble!" A little pot calling the kettle "trouble"?
...Levi and Claire are playing house in their fort, and Levi is saying, "Mom! Mom!" Claire replies, "I'm not your mom." Levi says, "You're dad?" She responds, "No. I'm your wife." He says, "I'm the DAD. Yeah!" About thirty seconds later I heard some spousal abuse going on. All I could say was, "Levi, stop hitting... your wife!"
...would like the name and address of the "man in the black and blue coat" who is giving away whistles every Sunday at church. Our family would like to give him a nice, long, leisurely ride home from church next Sunday.
...has the family on a laundry reform program. If they turn in dirty items inside out, they receive same items back clean, folded, and inside out. It saves me about half the time I used to spend on laundry and distributes the remaining work according to initial laziness. Translation: If you see any of us in clothes that are inside out you know why.
...is hoping someday they make movies in an indestructible case - impervious to scratches and being broken in half... oh, wait... that was VHS.
...is just finishing up a grueling day of school. There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and that was just ME.
...Pet Peeve of the Day: when the pharmacy puts my child's name in quotes on a prescription bottle label. She's not a "pet", she's not a "ghost writer", and that's not just what we "call her". It's her name.
...thinks that spaghetti night should also be BATH night.
...has been reminded never to ask Mark to prune back any of my shrubs EVER again... as evidenced by the tiny, pathetic stick that was once my beautiful hydrangea.
...is oh, so happy they gave away whistles at church this morning. It's a whistle/compass/key chain/flashlight. Because you never know when an 8 year old will be driving along in the dark with no direction and need to be really annoying.
...Levi put his fingers in my contact case solution and poked his fingers in both of his eyes and said, "There. I put in my contacts."
...is listening to the girls play with their My Little Ponies. The ponies are having a contest, and Sadie says, "You all get a prize. Now go home to your mommies!" Could this be a commentary on modern competitive spirit? I wonder how that would work in the Olympics?
...wishes working was as fun as sleeping and broccoli was as delicious as ice cream. Even as I type this, I know one of you reading this is going to say, "I love working!" or "I like broccoli better than ice cream!"... and to you, I say... don't type it in my comment section. YES, you're good! The guilt I feel knowing people like you are out there is punishment enough.
...Each night the (usually pantsless) chef sits on my counter and helps me make dinner. Aside from licking the spoons, sneezing in the batter, taking a bite out of each piece of frozen garlic bread, and spilling copious amounts of ingredients on the floor, he's really quite helpful! The health department would run out of red ink around here.
...is nerdifying my kids.
...is going to hang out with my man. I like him.
...Levi's discovered that, like me, he often wishes he had three hands... only his desire is based solely on the fact that there are three balloons in the house, and if he can only hold two of them, the third is for sharing... a toddler's biggest problem.
...is eating Keebler's frosted animal cookies. I didn't buy them for the kids. I bought them for me. I'm hiding them from the kids. I feel a little guilty, but I'll get over it after I eat this delicious elephant. Any questions?
...thinks she has too many friends who post their workouts. Please don't tell me you ran 5 miles today. Someone please just say, "I ate a quart of ice cream by myself and sat on the couch the rest of the day." Then I can live vicariously through you and ENJOY it.
...stayed up too late and is officially past the possibility of not snacking before bed.
...Okay - scratch the last status... apparently Levi, instead of helping dad with car, was picking up dog poop and smearing it all over his coat. So, instead of making cinnamon rolls, I am now clipping fingernails, washing hands repeatedly, disinfecting everything, and thoroughly laundering a coat.
...the kiddos are "helping" Mark work on the car while I make scratch cinnamon rolls for tomorrow's breakfast with the in-laws.
...Sadie just told me she's having a hot flash. Do you think she hangs out at Grandma's house sometimes? Either that or math makes 8 year old girls hormonal.
...If a mom screams in her closet and no one is around to hear it. Does it make her crazy?
...is sick. Mark said I should take vitamin C, green tea, and honey. I opted for Nyquil and hot chocolate. He told me I want to die young so I can get away from him. To which I responded, "Not just you, honey."
...7 minor injuries incurred, a dozen minor injuries inflicted, 9 time-outs, 3 minor disasters caused, and at least a half dozen, "I'm vehwy sowy"'s - yep he's officially feeling better.
...is wondering when Levi found the time to chew up peppermints and regurgitate them all over the white carpeting in the girls' room.
...got to grocery shop sans children today. As a result, no Slagter hilarity to report at present. Tune in tomorrow.
...So before I left for study tonight I gave Levi a kiss and told him, "I love you, buddy!" He looked deeply into my eyes and said, "I love... my pocket." No doubt the first in a long line of awkward, male "I love you" returns.
...Calgon... forget about me, take everyone else away.
...Two more sickies... Levi's cough made him lose his voice...which, I hate to say, works out pretty well for the rest of us.
...Claire has figured out the key to getting clean bed linens every night.
...is thankful! Dirty laundry means we have clothes on our backs. Dirty dishes means we have food on our table. Dirty diapers means they are healthy and well. Fewer children in the house means my mom took them for a few hours so I can actually remember all the reasons I am thankful!
...I gave my whole "eat all your carrots, because they have Vitamin A, and you don't want to have bad eyesight like mommy" bit to Claire tonight, and she said, "But do you think if I eat too much carrots my eyesight will go back to bad?"
...Almost wish I believed in reincarnation. I'd like to come back as something hairless.
...told Claire this morning that I thought she didn't like wearing dresses to church because Sadie doesn't like wearing them... to which she promptly responded, "That's not why I don't like wearing dresses. It's because I get tired of hearing people say, 'Claire, put your dress down' all the time!"
...went to the WWII reenactment today with my guys. There's nothing quite like the drama on the faces, the smell of the gunpowder hanging in the thick fog, standing in the concession line behind a member of the Luftwafe who is buying Oreo cookies.
...My mother-in-law is here the rest of the week to help with kids while Mark is on outage. I think Levi can't help but wonder why all the books we usually read together have more words when Grandma reads them.
...Violet's ecstatic that she's finally tall enough to eat out of the garbage can.
...So I'm teaching Claire that "tri" means 3 and "quad" means 4. We started with triangle, tripod, and we went to "triplets". I said, "When you have three identical babies, you call it 'tri'-what?" Without missing a beat, she responds, "Tri... to take care of them?"
...is taking the kids to McD's... and, if today has been any indication, I'm pretty sure Levi will be having an Angry Meal.
...is Sleepy, Dopey, and Grumpy.
