Life is Just a Terminal Illness

Tonight I attended my first Hospice training. I am not even sure what prompted me to do it, other than that I generally enjoy caring for people, but I don't especially want to go to nursing school. I've had several people try to talk me out of volunteer work for Hospice - because of the fact that it's "emotionally draining" and "terribly difficult". Not that I doubt either of those things, but I guess that's life - and death - for most of us anyway. Isn't it nice to think that there will be someone there to go through it with me when I am suffering? I've suffered great loss before with no one there to comfort me, and I don't wish that for anyone.

Hospice training apparently offers great perspective on life in general. The lady who was conducting the training this evening said something that stuck out to me. At a certain point she said something to the effect of, "People often feel such heartache for the terminally ill - treating them with great fragility, as though they are dying every moment. But I have news for you: LIFE IS A TERMINAL ILLNESS." The obvious implication is that, for the most part, someone who is terminally ill wants to talk about life in general - maybe punctuated by moments of personal reflection - but we're all dying from the day we are born. So the terminally ill patient doesn't want to talk about his or her impending death anymore than you or I want to talk about ours. I found this to be great perspective.

I was raised to believe in the God of the Bible. I was raised to sing songs that said, "My God is so BIG - so great and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do." I heard things like, "God loves each of us as if there was only one of us." I believed it. After all, as I grew and learned about how big the universe is and when I looked out my window at the beauty around me, I couldn't help but be drawn to the truth that I am loved. I was part of the "privileged planet" - the one that was singled out to bear life. I am special to One infinitely greater than myself.

Cynical thought of the day puts many Christians in the camp of the idea that maybe God didn't create - or, if He did, He must have taken billions of years to do it. It also puts God as a far-off entity that cares nothing for the daily life of any individual person. However, the God of the Bible tells me something strikingly different:
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New King James Version)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

God tells me (in the only Book He left me, by the way), that He THINKS THOUGHTS TOWARD me... and not only that, but that they are for my benefit.
Jesus Himself said,

John 15:16-17,19 (New King James Version)

¹⁶ You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.¹⁷ These things I command you, that you love one another....¹⁹ If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

Jesus said he chose and appointed us to bear fruit - loving one another.

Romans 8:31-34 (New King James Version)
God’s Everlasting Love

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? ³³ Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
God is for me. He justifies me, and Jesus intercedes on my behalf.

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

¹⁰ Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Hebrews 4:16 (New King James Version)

¹⁶ Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God helps me in times of need. He strengthens me and upholds me when I need it. He sees my needs and meets them.


Jesus Himself prayed in The Lord's Prayer: "...give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors... and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil..."
He knew His Father better than any person knows God. However, He seems to pray as though God sees and meets our daily needs - also seeing our sins, our trials and our temptations - with the intentions of delivering us out of them as we ask.

Romans 14:7-8 (New King James Version)

⁷ For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. ⁸For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.
This verse clearly states that we are the Lord's. We do not belong to ourselves, and we are not autonomous creatures who have no responsibility to a higher power - as much as we would all like that sometimes.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (New King James Version)

⁶ Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, ⁷ casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
And, last but not least, He cares for me. These are just a few verses that state overwhelmingly that God is a loving and cares about me - yes, even my daily events.


I could get into verses on the fact that He created, but that would take a lot more time than I want to take. However, the Bible states overwhelmingly from Genesis 1:1 - Revelation 4:11 that God created everything, and it only states one way that He possibly could have done it. Yet, we have a way of trying to make God seem more "bite-sized", more "me-like". We try to think like Him or try to imagine in our tiny minds how he could or couldn't have done something or how he did or didn't do something. However, when I look out at the wonder around me, I can truly say that I cannot imagine or even come close to fathoming the thought processes of a Being that could create what I see. In fact, God clearly states that truth:


Isaiah 55:8-10 (New International Version)

⁸ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts..."

If I believed in - let's say - Santa Claus... If I believed that he and his reindeer flew around the sky on Christmas Eve delivering presents to all the children of the world, would I put limits on that? Would I say, "Well, maybe he could deliver presents to some of the kids, but not all of them," or "Maybe he only delivers one present to each child," as if adding any of those stipulations make the possibility of this man and his reindeer more plausible. Yet, people do that - to make a lie more settling. We tell our children that Santa has "helpers" who look like him who help visit all the houses. We tell them that he has one special reindeer with a red nose that will help him see in snowstorms. We tell them these things for one reason: to make a lie more believable.


As far as I can tell, that's the only reason to make creation into a billion year event or to make God into one who takes very little stock in our everyday affairs - to make a lie believable. It's so that our minds can process, in light of modern science or popular thought, an utter "impossibility". These same people would berate an apologetics ministry for trying to make sense of how things possibly could have happened, but that's exactly what they're doing: apologizing for the Bible - the way it's written - and making excuses that make it sound less ridiculous. My question has to be - WHY? Why have faith but only to a certain degree?
After all, faith, according to the dictionary is: 2 strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. What's that again? "rather than proof?" If I believed in Santa Claus, I'd go WHOLE HOG. Santa can do anything, anytime, any place. Why look half stupid? Of course, I'm an "all or nothing" kind of gal. I don't believe in the modern day myth of Santa, because I see convincing evidence that he is a myth. I have never seen any proof that he might actually exist today.


However, if you were chosen (John 14:16, Matthew 22:14, Mark 13:20, Luke 18:7, John 15:19, Romans 8:33, Romans 11:5, Romans 16:13, Ephesians 1:11, Colossians 3:12, 1 Thessalonians 1:4, James 1:18, James 2:5, 1 Peter 1:2, 1 Peter 2:9, 1 Peter 5:13, Revelation 17:14) to have faith, you were chosen to seem ridiculous (John 15:16-19) to the world. If you don't like this and are trying to apologize for it, you're wasting your time. If you don't fully compromise or fully stand, you're not fully accepted by the side with full faith or the side with full disbelief. And you have no place to be trying to convince either side of your point of view, because you don't fully have one.


James 1:16 - 18 (New King James Version)
¹⁶Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. ¹⁷Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.


Oh, and in case you mistake my zeal for anger, it isn't. Passion is such a lost gem that people often see it as offensive or wrong. It's just what it is - a strong feeling that evokes strong emotions. I have seen God work. I see it every day. Hospice lady said, as we were touring their facility tonight, that a lady had come there to die and that her dying wish was to see a deer. She said that they worked for days and days to get a deer to come to the patio - by putting food out, etc. She said that mere days before she died, a deer showed up on the patio and spent four hours in front of the dying patient's window. She said, "It was as if God was giving her the miracle she hoped for." Hmmm... I guess it could have been just coincidence. I guess I've had to come to the point at which I have to decide that I'm either okay looking foolish for having a full, living, vibrant faith or compromise that to a half-hearted, apologetic, questioning faith - if you can even call it "faith" at that point. I figure, I suppose, that if I'm going to look like an idiot - why not look like a BIG idiot. I'm okay with that, because, if God's Word is any indication, I'm a chosen idiot.

Mild to Moderate Road Rage

Tonight, as we were driving home from - where else - church, a car was approaching us from the other direction. Although in their proper lane, the driver had failed to disengage his or her high beams, momentarily blinding me. Apparently I said, "Turn off your brights, nimrod." I had failed to notice my commentary until it was highlighted by my husband. As I heard him scoff and say, "Nice." I said, "What?" He said, in a nauseatingly female imitation voice, "Turn off your brights, nimrod!" I didn't even realize what I had said until he repeated it. Don't get me wrong, I doubt I'd take it back even now, if I had the chance. After all, I admittedly have what I would call mild to moderate road rage. It rarely comes out in anything more than, "Punch it, Grandpa." or "Where's the turn signal, ya jerk?" with the occasional, "Turn off your signal, Granny... Really, how can you not hear that??" thrown in. I rarely even notice my auto lingo unless it's pointed out by a beloved passenger. You know the bright-flasher? The one who is quick to hop on the brights if you are late to turn yours off? That's me.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's not really something I make an effort at taming either. I have to admit - it's not pretty. It's just more of a habit - ages in the making. You see, things like road rage are "harmless" ways of expressing inner frustrations, right? Or maybe it's just that I have a standard for the way others should drive. If they're not meeting my standards, I feel free to express my frustrations verbally. They can't hear me anyway, right? But there are usually little ears in my car who can easily hear what I'm saying. I imagine I might feel shocked if Levi calls Violet a "nimrod" one of these days. After all, I'm not entirely sure what "nimrod" even means in the negative sense. I'm not sure why it makes me so mad when people don't drive the way I would have them drive. I mean, there are times when I am distracted to the point of leaving my brights on - not my turn signal, of course, but my brights, maybe... once or twice... hardly ever.

Some things are learned by example. Some things are merely instinct. For example, I watched in amazement this evening as Levi, my three year old, did something I had never seen. While donning his PJ's, he kicked off his CARS underoos. From standing on the floor, he managed somehow to kick them into the air and onto the blade of a ceiling fan. It happened so fast, that it took us a minute or so to even locate the missing underwear. As we located them, however, his eyes turned from a look of confusion to one of enchantment, and he went to try out the fan switch. After the third or fourth full blade rotation, the underwear sailed off the fan blade, across the room, and landed atop his head. I looked over at my husband to see a sparkle in his eyes - pride mixed with a little bit of jealousy. These kind of moves are the stuff a grown man dreams of doing, I imagine. I have seen my husband do a bit of fancy underwear-related footwork. (Shhh...) None of this caliber, but I can say that Levi has never seen this. He didn't take underwear foot-flinging lessons from my husband. He just got it by instinct, apparently.

So I won't blame things like my road rage on a poor upbringing. I'll blame it on a pattern of my flesh. It wants others to be more like me. After all, I am special. I am right. It's kind of funny, because I have met some people who like to blame people like me for the ills of society. As though, if I would stop thinking that people should be more like me and just let them be them, then the world would be a better place. I agree with this to a point, but I also see it as utter hypocrisy. It's a hypocrisy that says, "If you would be more like me - letting others be more like themselves - then the world would be a better place." It's the same flesh pattern - just a stage more complicated. I recognize that road rage is silly. In fact, I think that's part of where mine originates - in the ridiculous. After all, I know logically that no amount of muttering from my car with my windows up is going to shame someone else into more responsible use of a turn signal. I just enjoy the creativity that comes with the private mock superiority. It's funny to me.

The truth is that it is people like me who are to blame for the ills of society... and people like you. Whether we like to admit it or not, there are ugly parts of us all that need to be changed... dead parts that need revived... dim parts that need brightened... and dull parts that need shined. The key is that it doesn't start with that "moron" who left his signal on for the last 5 miles on the interstate. It starts with me. Oh, yeah, and that's where it ends too. No amount of changing that anyone else could do would make me content if I am, myself, unchanged. I am glad I don't have to try to change on my own strength.

¹⁹ For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God.²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousnesscomes through the law, then Christ died in vain.”