Look Down

A few weeks ago I actually read most of a Time Magazine article (yes, I wasn’t just covering up a People magazine with a Time magazine so people wouldn’t see me reading trash) that was discussing the newest generation - people who were born after 1994 I think.  What follows in italics are excerpts from that article:  

This article entitled, “The New Greatest Generation - Why Millennials Will Save Us All”, went on to say, “...in the 1970s, people wanted to improve kids’ chances of success by instilling self-esteem.  It turns out that self-esteem is great for getting a job or hooking up at a bar but not so great for keeping a job or a relationship.  ‘It was an honest mistake,’ says Roy Baumeister, a psychology professor at Florida State University and the editor of Self-Esteem:  The Puzzle of Low Self-Regard.  ‘The early findings showed that, indeed, kids with high self-esteem did better in school and were less likely to be in various kinds of trouble.  It’s just that we’ve learned later that self-esteem is a result, not a cause.’  The problem is that when people try to boost self-esteem, they accidentally boost narcissism instead.  ‘Just tell your kids you love them.  It’s a better message,’ says Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at the University of San Diego, who wrote Generation Me and The Narcissism Epidemic.  ‘When they’re little it seems cute to tell them they’re special or a princess or a rock star or whatever their T-shirt says.  When they’re 14 it’s no longer cute.’  All that self-esteem leads them to be disappointed when the world refuses to affirm how great they know they are...”

“What millennials are most famous for besides narcissism is its effect: entitlement.  If you want to sell seminars to middle managers, make them about how to deal with young employees who e-mail the CEO directly and beg off projects they find boring.  English teacher David McCullough Jr.’s address last year to Wellesley High School’s graduating class, a 12-minute reality check entitled ‘You Are Not Special,’ has nearly two million hits on YouTube.  ‘Climb the mountain so you can see the world, not so that the world can see you,” McCullough told the graduates.  He says nearly all the response to the video has been positive, especially from Millennials themselves...”

“...Millennials are also stunted, having prolonged a life stage between teenager and adult...The idea of the teenager started in the 1920’s; in 1910, only a tiny percentage of kids went to high school, so most people’s social interactions were with adults in their family or in the workplace.  Now that cell phones allow kids to socialize at every hour - they send and receive an average of 88 texts a day, according to Pew - they’re living under the constant influence of their friends.  ‘Peer pressure is anti-intellectual.  It is anti-historical.  It is anti-eloquence,”says Mark Bauerlein, an English professor at Emory who wrote The Dumbest Generation:  How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or Don’t Trust Anyone Under 30).  ‘Never before in history have people been able to grow up and reach age 23 so dominated by peers.  To develop intellectually, you’ve got to relate to older people, older things:  17 year olds never grow up if they’re just hanging around with other 17 year olds.’ Of all the objections to Obamacare, not a lot of people argued against parents’ need to cover their kids’ health insurance until they’re 26.”

The article went on to say that, as a result of the things mentioned above, the newest generation is the most self-centered, egomaniacal generation yet with the lowest levels of social intelligence and intellectual development (because of being over-socialized with their peers and under-socialized with their elders).  They lack empathy and compassion for others on never-before-seen scale.  It can be summed up to say that we, as a society, have done a disservice to our children by babying them well beyond the ages they would have, in days gone by, been expected to have been matured to the point of adulthood.  We have socialized them with peers to the point of social retardation.  

I disagree with one thing about the above article (aside from this one thing, I think the article was right on the money).  I don’t think the narcissist generation started with those born after 1994.  It started well before that.  It gets worst with each passing generation of late, but I think that my generation has the fewest clues on how to raise well-rounded, caring, selfless individuals that will make for a better society because so few of us were raised that way. 

Even secular magazine articles declare that “self-esteem is a result, not a cause”, that self-esteem is a deterrent to long-term success.  Would it follow then that low self-regard and humility would be the optimal self-image for one to assume in order to become a contented, caring, successful individual?  I would argue an emphatic, “yes”. Humility, according to my computer’s dictionary, is: “a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness”  

Even more interesting to me were the synonyms in the thesaurus for humility:  modesty, humbleness, meekness, unassertiveness, lack of pride, lack of vanity; servility, submissiveness (emphasis added)

Proverbs 15:33 - “The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.”  

Proverbs 18:12 - “Before destruction the heart of man is haughty (proud), But humility goes before honor.”

Proverbs 22:4 - “The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor, and life.”

(emphases added) 

Where does kindness begin?  Humility.

Where does honor begin?  Humility. 

Where does exaltation begin?  Humility.

Where does success begin?  Humility.

There's a difference between feeling unworthy of Christ because of my sin (a usually false and ironically self-focused pseudo-humility) and feeling unworthy to approach the throne of Deity because of His utter holiness - his awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping betterness. He is infinitely better than I can comprehend. That is all I need know or say to Him. That is all He wants me to admit and, more importantly, of which he wants me to keep constant sight.  

People complain about the factions of Christian belief - the liberals, the conservatives, the denominations, etc.  These things are so humanity-focused.  The moment we start to think that we know who the true God is based on our personal experience, based on our inner knowledge, or based on some human-derived revelation, we have utterly lost the enormity of God.  A true Christian can know only one thing - that God is so enormous that He won’t be contained by anything - much less the tiny human mind and existence... which can’t possibly contain a fraction of Who He is.  Our strivings are dust.  Our righteousness... filth.  Our best efforts... worthless - every, last one of us.  Yet we still find a way to point a judgmental finger at the one next to us.  In a land where every person is equally irrelevant... equally unable to save self, we still strive to feel superior.  It would be as ludicrous as a banana peel in a garbage heap comparing itself to the sorry, worthless orange peel next to it.

The prophets understood this.  In a post Old Testament world... one in which Christians think the Tora is irrelevant and oppressive, we have lost the bigness of Deity.  Isaiah 64 says (in part), 

“Oh, that You would rend the heavens and come down,

That the mountains might quake at Your presence - 

As fire kindles the brushwood, as fire causes water to boil - 

To make Your name known to Your adversaries, 

That the nations may tremble at Your presence!

When You did awesome things which we did not expect,

You came down, the mountains quaked at Your presence.

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,

Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,

Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him...

“For all of us have become like one who is unclean,

And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment;

And all of us wither like a leaf,

And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.”

My righteousness is filthy rags in comparison to His innate inherent nature. My greatest strivings and finest acts are childish scribbles on a scrap of tattered notebook paper in comparison to a Being altogether perfect by just existing. I can't even come close with all of my doings (believings, sayings) to what He attains merely. by. being.

The enormity of the plague, plight, and agony of humanity's error and condition is much too vast to be solved by a trite persona - a "friend", a "prophet", a "teacher", a "gentle character". "Sweet Jesus", "Precious Moments Jesus" might be enough to save a soft person... a "good" person... a nun perhaps or a docker-wearing accountant or a planet-conscious vegetarian.  He is not, however, enough to deliver the likes of me, one prone to darkness and consuming passions... let alone the desperate whole of humanity which I represent so thoroughly - the humanity that screams and groans for something strong and fervid - wildly consuming... ardently pursuing humanity in a way so profound that wildest human imaginings are incapable of capturing it.  And not only to deliver me but to liberate those same passions and fervor in me for one purpose - to give them back to the One Who granted them to me in the first place.  

I can't be satisfied by "hipster Jesus", despite his popularity.  He does not consume my waking moments.  As I watched some of the History channel's adaptation of The Bible, I found their winsome portrayal of Jesus attractive at points, but as he gently overturned a table or two in the temple during passover and wept so quietly about the state of "His Father's House", I was turned off.  Gentleness didn't lead Him to the slaughter; passionate purpose did.  His silence wasn't because of weakness but because of strength.  Every Christian song I hear makes Him sound grieved yet helpless in light of the sins of men... like a pleading weakling who begs me to do the right thing to others.  My greatest offense, however, I can't help but believe, is that I have no passion for Him.  I have no strength in my pursuit of His character.  I have no desperate desire to hold on for the ride of where He takes me and trust that 100% of what happens to me is His plan and that I should not only trust it but embrace it.  How can people have a passion for a dispassionate or weepy or mournful or whiny Jesus?  If I was owned by passion for Him and His Word, the natural result would be goodness, love, mercy, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, etc.  As it is, many cannot find a passion for a God who isn't dangerous, strong, full, gripping, and desperate to be glorified.  "If He isn't all about me and my worth and my self-esteem and my happiness, then I don't think He really loves me" is our silent attitude.  

To be perfectly honest, I have written this blog with much trouble.  The first part flowed, but there was more.  I woke up in the middle of the night, one-finger typing on my tiny iphone keyboard, the details of the other parts that consumed me at 3:00 AM.  I sit here adding the final touches tonight after watching a documentary on Francesca Woodman - a miserable American photographer who killed herself after not receiving the recognition she so desperately had searched for throughout her short, tortured life.  I am rent in two as I consider my own neediness and the neediness of humanity in general... the need to have something greater than self in which to invest our very lives.  The end of self-love, as Francesca Woodman found, is misery and wonder at why others do not see our obvious value.  The One Who assigned us our value, and the only One Who will ever truly appreciate and recognize it, is the one who bids us cast our worth at His feet so that He might finally be given His due.

Deprive Your Children

A few weeks ago I saw a Facebook post from Proactive Dads, and it said something to the effect of:  “Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our children.  What about leaving better children for the planet?”  That statement has run through my head quite often since that day.  

Tonight we were on our way to my dad’s parents’ house - just like we have been every Monday night for probably about 18 months now - to bring them supper.  My dad is an only child.  Therefore, my sisters and I are the only grandchildren that my dad’s parents have.  That was pretty sweet - growing up (next door to) with grandparents who had nobody else to spoil but us.  Now we are the ones left to care for them.  

All of our grandparents did so much with us.  We saw them almost daily, and they never missed a birthday, holiday, or sporting event that involved us.  They have been a constant in our lives - for the absolute best.  My grandma is dying.  She has been dying of ALS for a couple of years now.  She is my first close family member to have a terminal illness.  As she is approaching what will likely be her last few weeks on this earth, we have been forced to confront what grief might look like for our family.

I have said this before, but my parents - especially my mom - made us spend a lot of time as children in nursing homes, hospitals, and the houses of less fortunate or invalid persons.  We helped with programs like Meals on Wheels - which my grandma who is dying spent some 40 years of her life, I believe, doing.  We helped with funeral dinners at church.  We visited shut-ins.  We spent Sunday afternoons visiting Great Aunt Lena in the local nursing home.  We did all these things and more, and I’d like to say that we enjoyed it, but we pretty much hated every minute of it.  What kids want to spend hours with boring adults anyway - much less if those adults look scary and want you to hug them?

My parents weren’t wealthy, but my dad did have a decent job.  We never drove a new car, and we rarely went to restaurants.  The year the Cabbage Patch Doll made it’s debut, we opened our Christmas presents excitedly only to find not-so-authentic-looking, hand-made replicas.  Where was Xavier Roberts’ signature??  I’ll tell you where - on the butts of the dolls of the kids who were actually getting what they wanted for Christmas.   We have laughed remembering that on those rare occasions when we did go to eat at McDonald’s, sharing was dad’s way of creating sibling love amongst us.  We got to share fries and drinks three ways.  I had heard lore of something called a "Happy Meal", but we were told we should be happy just to have a meal.  We were well-fed.  We were well-cared-for.  We were loved.  We were most importantly not particularly spoiled.  When we asked for something we were told “no” at least as often as “yes”.  

I just realized on the ride to town tonight:  I’m so grateful for having been deprived of many of the things I wanted as a child.  I’m so grateful for having been forced to do things for others that I didn’t necessarily want to do.  I think these might be the essential contributing factors in our desires to care for our aging loved ones.  We might have had the desire to do so - because of the love we received from them or from guilt feelings, but I doubt that desire would have given birth to action on behalf of my grandparents had we not been familiar with the concept of self-sacrifice and what it requires.  I’m thankful that my grandparents are being cared for in their later years by family members.  My sister and I were in the hotel room with my grandma and in the U of Madison doctor’s office when she received the diagnosis, and we cried until we hadn’t a tear left on the way home together.  My other sister lives away, but if she didn’t, I know she would have been right there with us.  

My husband is what I like to call a “bad sharer”.  I have rarely met a more selfless man in most areas of life.  However, when it comes to sharing - specifically food items - he has no talent for it.  We have a couple of friends with whom we regularly spend time.  They get absolutely giddy when we discuss the possibility of sharing something at a restaurant.  They think it’s hilarious to watch.  It probably is.  I, on the other hand, am a veteran sharer.  That’s what we did... and NOT voluntarily.  We did, however, figure out what was fair and how to negotiate.  A few months ago, Mark and I decided to share a meal when with our friends at a local restaurant.  Our meal came with a salad.  As I was talking to our friends, Mark had started (and later I determined - nearly finished) with the salad.  From the “ashes” of what had been quite a large and delicious-looking salad, I looked down to find a cherry tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a cucumber left for me.  I can’t say I was surprised.  After all, Mark - who is “not a dessert person” often likes to tell me that he doesn’t want dessert but that, “I’ll just have a bite or two of yours.”  Fair enough.  I usually try to order something that is large enough for us to share.  I ordered a cookie sundae once, and when it came I looked up to find that he had scraped the ice cream off to the side (for me) and eaten 3/4 of the cookie.  If I wasn’t selfish myself, these things would not bother me a bit.  However, I am selfish and competitive... not an ideal combination for sharing bliss.  So we rarely share anymore.  I’m hoping we’ll mature out of that.

Human nature is selfish at best.  It starts at birth, and it is a beast that needs taming till the day we die.  In the earliest days of a child’s life selfishness is a biological necessity.  In my estimation, one of the primary and most essential roles of a parent is to make a child aware of the feelings and needs of others and equip the child to make self-sacrifice a way of life.  However, we live in a self-service world.  The root of most of the crime, evil, and pain experienced in this life is selfishness and lack of empathy.  When I don’t think how my actions will effect someone else, I will always make choices that could and will potentially hurt someone else.  In the positive, when I do make that uniquely human decision to think about how my actions will effect another person, I could potentially become a blessing in the life of that person, but I most likely will not become a source of hurt to that person.

With all of these new parenting types that seem to crop up regularly these days, one of the most interesting to me is one in which parents avoid using the word “no” at all costs.  It’s perceived as a negative word that might somehow damage self-esteem or short-circuit self-actualization.  I’m all for positivity.  I’m also all for saying “no” to a child in appropriate circumstances.  I have met parents who seem to do nothing but say “no” to their children.  In that case, they seem to frustrate the child and become a “noise” in the child’s ears.  On the other hand, I have seen children permitted to color on the bodies and clothing of self and peers with magic markers because their parents would not say “no” or take the marker away from the child.  

My children are by no means angelic.  They have naughty, selfish streaks like anyone else.  I used to be much more controlling and fearful in my parenting.  I see mothers - especially newer moms or moms with just one or two children - freaking out about things I would not consider the least bit concerning.  I think a lot of that has to do with how the parent was parented.  I’m no longer very concerned with most foods consumed off of floors, higher tree climbing, and other things that used to drive me to distraction.  Last Sunday afternoon, Levi (6) took a letter opener off our desk (not particularly sharp but pointy at one end) to the porch and was trying to whittle a stick with it.  I didn’t see it until he already had it outside.  I looked out the window and said to Austin (16), “I don’t think he should have that outside alone.”  He said, “Mom, he needs to be able to be a boy.”  I thought, “Yes - a boy with both of his eyes.”  I said, “Would you be able to go outside, sit with him, and give him some safety tips on how to carry and use it?”  He said he’d be happy to do that, and he did.  I think it’s especially important with boys to let them feel a little dangerous.  It has so much to do with how God made them.  He is full of strength, passion, and zeal.  Writer John Eldredge says in his book Desire, “But he is called the living God. ‘It is a dreadful thing,’ the writer of Hebrews says, ‘to fall into the hands of the living God . . . For our 'God is a consuming fire'’ (10:31; 12:29). And what is this consuming fire? His jealous love (Deut. 4:24). God is a deeply, profoundly passionate person. Zeal consumes him. It is the secret of his life, the writer of Hebrews says. The ‘joy set before him’ enabled Jesus to endure the agony of the Cross (Heb. 12:2). In other words, his profound desire for something greater sustained him at the moment of his deepest trial. We cannot hope to live like him without a similar depth of passion.”  I believe that to rob my boys of their dangerous selves would be to rob them of the passion they will need to be the men God intended for them to be... strong, free, protective, able.  I have a lot more to say on that subject, but I have to try to stay on track here. 

The importance of denying our children many of the things their heart desires cannot be overstated.  For one thing, Jeremiah 17:9 and Mark 7:21 (Ps. 119:36, Prov. 4:23, Isa. 59:7 and 13, Jer. 16:12 and 17:9, Mat. 15:19, and Col. 3:5) state that the human heart is evil and wicked and “desperately sick” - desiring bad things for self and others.  So why would I want to give my child every thing their heart desires - even from me.  Can I meet their every need?  Can I comfort their every ache?  No.  I don’t even know all of what they need or want all of the time.  Even if I was present 24/7 and waiting to meet their every need, would that be healthy for them?  No.  Can I introduce them to One Who created the desire in them and knows exactly how to meet it?  Yes, and I should, because the only thing I can guarantee my children with regard to my presence in their lives is that I will not likely be there for them forever.  Even when I am, I will likely fail them.  I can, however, give them God’s guarantee that says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut. 31:6, Josh. 1:5)  Never is a long time.

Another reason for denying our children would be to help them recognize that there are other wills out there that matter - other wills that are stronger or more deserving or more needy than their own.  In order to break hearts full of our own self-importance, our parents often reminded us of the needs of others and put us in a position to try to meet those needs.  Empathy is only learned by similar experience.  How can a child who has never experienced disappointment or a broken will relate to the real world experience of the rest of humanity - who experience those things on a daily basis.

Lastly (and most importantly from a Biblical point of view), we cannot truly follow after God if we do not deny ourselves.  We cannot deny ourselves if we have not learned the skills required to do so.  In Luke 9:23-24 Jesus says, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” (emphasis added).  Self-denial is essential for Christian walk and behavior, and it does not come naturally to anyone.  It is a taught/learned skill.

I have likely told this story before, but when I was younger I was a scrapper.  Physical fights were not uncommon for me.  I once (at the age of 10 or so) beat the living daylights out of a boy at the swimming pool of a campground we frequented.  He was two years older, about a foot taller, and had a lot bigger mouth than I did.  He had been taunting my friends and I and threatened us with physical harm if we didn’t leave what he said was his pool.  After several minutes of his threats, I was blind with rage and threw him across three deck chairs, pounced on him, clawed his skin, and pummeled his face until he ran out of the gate as fast as his legs could carry him.  He later rode by the pool with a campground employee in a golf cart - bleeding from his face - and was coerced to apologize.  The boy yelled, “Sorry, but you didn’t have to go psycho!”  Well, he was right.  I had apparently gone psycho.  I barely remembered the encounter, but my sister (who had pulled me off of him) and my other friends all told and retold it for years afterward.  I do remember going back to the campsite afterward expecting that my mom would be happy that I had defended our rights to swim in that pool.  She said, “I can’t believe you would do that.  You are going to apologize to that boy.  You will do it first thing when you see him tomorrow.  End of story.”  I remember trying everything I could possibly do to manipulate my mom out of making me do it.  I couldn’t imagine approaching him and the friends he was always with to apologize for something I felt I had been right in doing.  There was no getting out of it.  Mom forced me.  I remember that the boy I had battered was in the hot tub with his arm around a girl when I approached him and said I was very sorry for having hurt him.  I didn’t qualify it.  I didn’t say any “buts”.  I just said I was sorry for hurting him and hoped he would forgive me.  He said it was fine - no hard feelings, and we spent the rest of that vacation playing with those kids without another cross word spoken.  Had my mom not forced me to see the error of my ways, feel some empathy for my “enemy”, pray about my wrong in it, and do the right thing, I would not have learned a valuable skill and life lesson.  I don’t always do it well, but it’s always right there with me.

Please understand that I would never advocate denying children anything related to basic, essential needs. In the emotional realm, unconditional love is a basic need.  In the material realm, food, clothing, and shelter are basic needs.  Mostly I’ve been thinking about people who think “no” is a bad word to use with children or who bend over backward to make their children happy at all costs.  Spiritual life is full of “no”, “wait”, and “change your behavior” moments.  God doesn’t always pat me on the back and tell me that I’m awesome, amazing, and can do no wrong.  He always loves me, and because of that He sometimes breaks my heart with the wrong I’ve done (or am doing) to another person or to Him.  Sometimes He is heavy on me to ask forgiveness... to stop... to go the other way... to change.  I can hear Him, because I heard my parents tell me those things.  Their voices tender but clear, “You are wrong here.  Go ask forgiveness.  Stop.  No.  Because I said so.  I don’t have to tell you why.  You just need to obey.”  When we think we are even close to perfect, that we can do no wrong, or that we are entitled, we are unable to worship the only One who is Perfect, Right, and Entitled to all that we could ever give and more.  Self-esteem impedes God-esteem. 

Hawaii 2012 - Part 2

This is part 2 of the blog detailing our Hawaii 2012 trip.  When I finished part one, we were biking down from the Haleakala Crater - 26 miles - after sunrise at the top of the volcanic mountain.  (Click here to read part one of this blog.)  So I'll get right back into it.  We stopped at Kula Ranch for breakfast and had a delicious breakfast overlooking the rest of the Maui.  This is one of the photos we took on the way down the mountainside.

view of Maui as we biked down Haleakala - Molokini is the islet to the left off the coast of Maui.

This is a photo we took on the way back to our Kipahulu paradise,   where we took a shower, napped, and made a spaghetti dinner - which we ate on our deck while the sun went down over Maui.

More Hana Highway Beauty

Our Thursday started with sleeping late, cooking, and eating breakfast at Ala'aina'.  After that, we went to the Hana side of the Haleakala National Park and hiked up to Waimoku Falls - which was arguably one of the most beautiful sights we saw on Maui.  It was a one hour hike past ancient trees,  through a bamboo forest, through streams and rapids to a breathtaking waterfall.  

upper side of the Seven Sacred Pools (Pools of 'Ohe'o)

Seven Sacred Pools (Pools of 'Ohe'o)

another waterfall on our hike from the Seven Sacred Pools up to Waimoku Falls

huge Banyan tree on the way up to the falls

some flowers in front of one of the falls 

 We started out our trip up to Waimoku Falls about 8:00AM, and that was plenty early enough to avoid tour buses that usually make their way over to Hana area around 10:00AM.  I think that we ran into two couples coming down the trail during our whole one-hour hike up the trail.  So if you want privacy, I recommend going up the trail earlier in the morning.  This next photo is kind of a joke between Mark and me.  One of the couples we met coming down as we were going up was a younger couple.  Mark usually approached younger couples who had cameras and asked them if they'd like to have him take their photo.  About the third time he did that, I asked, "Why are you always doing that?"  He said, "So they will feel like they have to ask us if we want them to take our picture."  After that I started calling him "The Lovers' Photographer".  So we have about half a dozen photos of the two of us together in Hawaii - thanks to my husband Mark, The Lovers' Photographer.

The next thing we saw on the way up to the falls was this bamboo forest.  As we learned from our guide on the bike trip, Koa, bamboo is an invasive species (as are at least 80% of all other plants and animals that are currently in Hawaii) and was brought there by Polynesians centuries ago.  It is bad for Hawaii because it grows at a rate of twelve inches per day and blocks light that needs to get to the rain forest floor to help the other plants to grow.  Invasive, yes, but it made the walk so much more beautiful!  It made for an almost otherworldly experience.

at the beginning of the bamboo forest part of our hike

And finally we got to Waimoku Falls!

the top 2/3 or so of Waimoku Falls.

Waimoku Falls was definitely worth the two-hour (round trip) hike up and back down the side of Haleakala.  I would suggest wearing good walking shoes that you can also get wet.  There was quite a bit of wading through rapids and deeper pools and puddles.  When you get to the bottom, you can explore the Seven Sacred Pools of Ohe'o a bit more.  We talked to the park guides for a good long time, and they were very helpful and informative.  We enjoyed that morning very much.  We stopped at a roadside food vendor and had our first Hawaiian "plate lunch".  It was delicious.  It consisted of any kind of grilled meat you liked (we had pork), white rice in a ball, potato salad, and beans.  It was delicious, and we watched a local man husking coconuts and prepping them for drinking as we were eating.

After we ate lunch, we headed back to the secret falls we had been to earlier in the week.  Since it had rained a little bit up in the mountains the day before, we had hopes that it would be flowing a bit more, and we were right!  This is how it looked during our second visit, and since we had already gotten our shoes wet earlier in the day, we just went in with our shoes on this time and had no trouble with the rocks on the bottom.  We spent awhile longer here that day, and we loved every minute.  We both did a lot more swimming than we had the time before this.  That's one off our "bucket list".

The next stop for a couple of nerds in Hawaii would have to be the churchyard where Charles Lindbergh was buried.  As we pulled up to the beautiful churchyard, it began to pour down rain.  So we went around from under one tree to under another tree - all over the yard, and it was fun.  We explored the grounds and marveled at how lovely it would be to be interred at such a serene location.  This churchyard is also right on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

Lindbergh's burial site

After that, we made our way back to Ala'aina', took another shower, and spent the late afternoon into the evening looking up everything we could about Charles Lindbergh - who truly had a fascinating, philandering lifestyle - a fairly tragic character, actually.  (Yes, the definition of "nerd", but it was nice to have time to actually do something like that.) We enjoyed another dinner cooked in the outdoor kitchen, and we ate it on the deck as the sun went down on another lovely day in Maui.

On Friday, August 31st, we woke a little sad to be leaving the Hana side of Maui we had come to adore.  I, in particular, was not ready to be heading over to the Lahaina side - which is a bit more commercial than the rural Hana.  Hana felt like a true vacation - nowhere to go, no time constraints, no problems - just relaxation and rest.  

We packed up our rental car, and we headed back to Haleakala National Park to get one more look at the Seven Sacred Pools and to see if they were allowing swimming yet.  The water was running too high for swimming again that day, and we took a few more photos and headed to Hana Bay, a black sand beach, for a snorkel/kayak adventure tour with Hana Maui Snorkel and Kayak.  The owner was Kevin, and we happened to be the only ones he had booked for that day.  Kevin taught us how to ocean kayak... a first for us.  We both agreed that Kevin was an exceptional teacher and guide.  He prepped us, launched us, got us out in the bay, and walked us through the process of getting in and out of the kayaks and using our snorkel gear.  We had an amazing time learning from Kevin about snorkeling, the history of Maui/Hawaii, and about his life as a writer in Hollywood and his eventual retirement in Maui.  We both got a little seasick (Mark, in particular) from kayaking sideways alongside the surf, but Kevin led Mark over to a rocky cove and helped him get on the rocks to rest awhile.  In the mean time, Kevin had me follow his kayak (I - swimming behind) over to a huge, old sugar ship anchor that had long since sunk to the bottom of the bay.  I looked at it awhile, and I thought we had gotten several photos of it with our camera mask, but they didn’t come out right.  So that was a little bit of a bummer that Mark didn't get to see it, but he would later see something that I missed.  It was so neat to see all the sea life that had made a home in or on that old anchor.  The snorkeling in Hana Bay was perfect.  We enjoyed it immensely.  We would definitely recommend Kevin at Hana Maui Snorkel and Kayak.  He is very personable, and he only ever takes a maximum of 3 parties out at once to snorkel.  So it’s very intimate.  It was an ideal first snorkeling trip for Mark and me.  

Mark at the bottom of the Pools of Ohe'o' - where the fresh water meets the Pacific

more of The Pools

more of The Pools

We grabbed another plate lunch and some more coconut candy at Hana Bay, waved a melancholy goodbye to Hana, and we started our final Hana Highway drive back to the Lahaina side of Maui.

on the way to Lahaina

 The last portion of our stay was at Napili Surf condos in Lahaina.  It was a nice, quiet complex.  It was well-run and well-maintained.  It was perfect for us.  The best part of Napili Surf, we both agreed, was Napili Beach (pictured below) - in which the snorkeling was simply better than we ever expected.  We could grab our gear any hour of the daylight, swim out twenty yards, and see a plethora of sea life - from octopi to sea turtles to all kinds of brightly-colored fish.  We couldn't have asked for a better place to continue learning how to better use our snorkel equipment in a stress-free environment.  We spent our first evening in Lahaina restocking groceries at the local grocery store and unpacking our belongings.

The next morning, Mark spent the early hours out on the beach catching photos like this (while I was catching ZZZZZ's back in the room):

Mark's sunrise rainbow

During his sunrise walk, he saw this fantastic sea turtle right near him as he stood on the rocks with the camera.  I was seeing the insides of my eyelids at the time.  I’m sorry I missed the sight of the sea turtle, but I’m not sorry I missed 5:30 AM.  I was glad he got to see such am amazing sight.  He felt lucky.

his turtle "friend" swimming away

  
After I awoke, we spent that whole day shopping and sight-seeing in the Lahaina area.  We went to the Lahaina Whaling Village and Museum - which was perfectly fascinating.  We spent a good while there.  The museum especially was inexpensive and very well done.  We did quite a bit of shopping for souvenirs and for a dress for me for our upcoming luau dinner date.  We ate lunch at Lahaina Steak and Seafood and enjoyed that.

When I had booked the luau months earlier, I had looked specifically for the best luau experience on the islands.  Our son had spent a week in Hawaii earlier in the summer and had complained a bit about his luau experience - that it had been tacky and not very well done - in any way.  I stumbled across The Old Lahaina Luau because of Internet reviews.  It was said to be classy, historical in nature (giving a history of Hawaiian dance through the centuries), and extremely well done.  We found it to be all of that and more.  What a gem!  Going to The Old Lahaina Luau was the absolute best tourist entertainment we attended during our stay in Hawaii.  We got there early, and we were able to take advantage of several education stations they had in which they taught various Hawaiian skills (like wood carving, spear throwing, etc.).  I spent a few minutes making a bracelet of plumeria (beautiful and fragrant) for me to wear during the luau.

sun setting on the Old Lahaina Luau

my love and I at our table

the last photo I took as my phone camera died at the luau

Sunday, September 2 was our last full day in Hawaii.  Mark woke up early again, but this time he woke me up to go with him down to the beach for sunrise.  We did some beach combing and saw a lovely sunrise.  We ate breakfast in our condo and went to do some more snorkeling.  We spent that morning on Napili Beach.  

one of Mark's sunrise photos

a sunrise photo I took

and another sunrise photo

a photo I took of Mark as the sun rose over Napili beach (notice the moon)

 After lunch, we rested, packed a few things for our flight the next day, and got showered and dressed for our last night on the town in Lahaina.  We shopped again for some more last-minute souvenirs.  We ate another fine dinner seaside at the open-air Lahaina Steak and Seafood.  The highlight of our evening, however, was watching the sun set over Molokini.  Like so many other sights we had seen over the preceding 10 days, it was unusually breathtaking.  We snuggled on a sea wall next to the beach, took a few photos, and watched until the last ray of light sank behind the horizon. 

the sunset on our last night in Hawaii

 After the sunset, we made our last Coldstone Creamery visit in the Hawaiian islands.  We talked to the owner awhile and took our time walking back to our car.  As the salty, sea wind blew through my hair on the way back to our condo on that Sunday night, I felt unbelievably blessed to have been able to have the experience I had.  Although I know there are millions of beautiful places in the universe, I cannot imagine seeing one I am more in awe of than Hawaii.  From rolling pasture lands, to lush rain forest, to stark volcano craters, to majestic mountains, to rugged coastlines, to unique plant and animal life... I can't count the number of times I just put my hand up to my heart and all I could say was, "Oh... oh..." Sometimes there are no words adequate to describe an experience - and even trying to say words to describe it cheapen that experience.  I feel that with this blog.  I wanted to write it, but I didn't want to cheapen the experience.  We hope to return to Hawaii, but there will never be a time that could match (much less top) the time we had in 2012.  We were beyond blessed for having been there.  God couldn't have bestowed the grace of this trip on any two more undeserving people, but neither could any two people have been as completely awestruck and grateful for the blessing as Mark and I were.  

I hope the entirety of both blogs about our trip have been informative for anyone considering planning a similar trip.  As with the other, please feel free to ask any questions in the comment area.  

Hawaii 2012 Detail Blog - Part 1

I've needed to write about our trip to Hawaii for almost a year now, and I think it's a good time to reflect on the good/bad, etc. of our trip... mostly for us to recall for the future and partly for anyone who might be interested in taking a Hawaii trip in the future.  I have been asked by several people to detail the trip for information purposes - so this is not my average blog.  It will be largely informational.

First, a little bit about the timing of our trip - since so many have asked what a good time of year to visit Hawaii actually is.  We intentionally chose a time of year when many children would be heading back to school and out of typical "tourist season".  In the months prior to our trip I had heard horror stories of whole weeks of all-day rain and giant, man-eating mosquitoes, but I can honestly say that our entire trip was made of beautiful, 70-80 degree days, tropical breezes, light rains off and on throughout the days/nights, and plenty of rainbows.  I hear that this is truly typical Hawaiian weather.  The man at our luau teasingly told Mark, "Yeah, here in Hawaii we have four seasons too, you know,... football season, hockey season, basketball season, and baseball season."

We booked all of our flights/tickets by ourselves, because we wanted to split up the flights a little bit and see some family.  We left out of our local regional airport on Friday, August 24.  We stayed overnight with my sister and brother-in-law who were stationed (at the time) with The Navy in Southern California.  She picked us up late Friday night and took us to Jack-in-the-Box (a first for us) for a late supper.  The next morning we had a lovely breakfast with my sister, and she took us to the airport.  We knew we had a long flight ahead of us, and I was dreading it because of some back issues I had in July.  I had booked our flights with Alaska Air back in the Spring.  After my back injury, I called them back and asked about their in-flight policies on standing/walking (which are my favorite things to do these days).  She advised that the flight sometimes offers last-minute discounts on first-class fares and suggested snapping one up if given the opportunity at the gate.  We did just that, and it may have been one of our best decisions throughout the trip.  My physical therapist had also prescribed at TENS unit - which I used on all of our flights with no troubles at all.  I was a little worried that - with all the wires and buttons associated with the unit - it might cause a security issue, but it didn't.  We both agreed that this might be our only ever first class flight, and we intended to enjoy it.  It was heavenly - in just about every conceivable way.  The meals, drinks, entertainment, etc. were all exceptional and put us in the "Hawaii mood" - with flowers, native foods, etc.  Our experience with Alaska Air was overwhelmingly positive, and I would definitely fly with them again.

The rest of the trip description will consist largely of photos.

Our first view of the Hawaiian Islands from the plane

We arrived in Hawaii (after losing 5 hours total in flight) at 1:00 PM Hawaii time.  We stayed at the Ala Moana Hotel in Honolulu Saturday night and Sunday night.

Ala Moana Hotel, Honolulu

This photo was taken on our way to our first hotel.

First of many Hawaiian rainbows (Aug 25)

We picked the Ala Moana Hotel, because it was relatively inexpensive, close to the beach, and close to Pearl Harbor/Arizona Memorial - which was the whole reason we decided to spend any time on that particular island at all.  We found it very beautiful and luxurious inside.  We didn't make use of the valet services or the bell hops, and that saved us a bit of money.  Our room had a refrigerator defrost leak, and they promptly sent up a man to fix it.  The room was nothing particularly special, but we were only there for sleeping.  So it suited us very well.

The first night, we were pretty tired from two days of traveling.  So we checked out the area around our hotel, did a little window shopping, and then we ate supper here:

Bubba Gump Shrimp, Honolulu

We kind of hated ourselves for picking Bubba Gump, because we had eaten at some other Bubba Gump restaurants around the continental U.S. in the past and wanted to experience some new things, but it was close, and I really wanted seafood.  Most everything is outdoors in Hawaii.  Even the restaurants are mostly open-air.  The waiting area was open air, and the restaurant itself had nice breezes blowing through it.  It was a delicious meal, and we were happy to have gone.

We went on a short walk at the Ala Moana Beach Park across the street from our hotel and decided to head back to the hotel and snuggle in early, because between jet lag and an early morning tour at U.S.S. Arizona memorial scheduled for Sunday morning, we knew we needed some rest.

We arrived at Pearl Harbor memorial sites a few minutes late for our scheduled tour, but they let us aboard anyway.  We decided to tour The Arizona Memorial, the U.S.S. Bowfin submarine, and the Battleship Missouri.  All of these attractions were exceptional.  I would suggest that, if you're pressed for time, The Arizona Memorial and The Missouri are "must see" attractions.  We did the self-guided audio tours of all of the attractions, and we loved them.  They are all very well done.

U.S.S. Bowfin

A cute, little, old Hawaiian lady asked us if she could take our picture in several locations on the Bowfin.
Here is one of the photo outcomes - with us Geeking out in our headsets.

Our favorite part of the day's tours - The Battleship Missouri

Captain's Chair Me

We got back to the hotel around evening and ate supper at Ruby Tuesday near our hotel.  That night we spent more time at the Ala Moana Beach Park.  Maybe it was because it was a Sunday night, but it wasn't very busy at all.  There were a few couples here and there and a family of locals.  Best of all, there were some paddle-boarders just offshore.  The beach was quiet, the sun was setting in breathtaking fashion, and although I would say that Honolulu was my least favorite part of our trip (because it was city-like and congested), that Sunday evening was one of the most romantic of a very romantic trip.

my hunka man at Ala Moana Beach Park Sunday evening

me at same

Lovers/Friends

first toes in the Hawaiian water

paddle boarders on the horizon
made it seem like centuries gone by

After the sun set, we walked over to a shopping center that had a movie theater and a Cold Stone Creamery.  I had printed out several Internet coupons for Cold Stone Hawaii locations.  So we ate "meals" there a couple of times.  We sat in the beautiful, breezy outdoors and ate ice cream.  Then we walked back to the hotel and packed for the "puddle-jumper"to Maui the following day.  

We awoke Monday, August 27 to Facetime with the kids back home - which we loved, of course.  It took a bit of effort to keep track of what times they would be asleep, etc. because of the time difference.  So calling first thing when we woke up was always a good thing.  We checked out of the Ala Moana in the morning, and we set off to find a place for breakfast.  Apps like Yelp and Trip Advisor came in very handy on this trip.  We were able to get immediate reviews on local places and directions to same.  That morning, however, we were unable to locate any of the places we had mapped, and it was late morning.  Our flight was scheduled to leave Honolulu airport at 1:30 PM.  So we decided to go to the Hololulu airport early, return our rental car, and find a place to eat there - as it was flush with restaurants and shops.  Enter Go! Airlines.  It is an inter-island airline (and I use the term  "airline" very loosely).  I won't waste time making a full review of Go!, but it was an overwhelmingly negative experience.  The flight was late.  There were no attendants advising of flight status (or even one around to ask).  Their planes are old, and the baggage compartments are very small.  Therefore, traditional carry-on sizes wouldn't fit in luggage compartments and had to be checked at exorbitant fees.  The worst part was that the terminal was dislocated from the main Honolulu Airport terminal.  It was located in a very dated, broken-down building that housed another inter-island airline.  There was no restaurant, but there were $10 stale sandwiches (and I mean the kind you make yourself for lunch with regular bread) and $5 bags of chips at a stand at the end of the airport.  So that was our breakfast.   There is more to the story - no AC on the plane, interesting baggage handling practices, etc., but I don't want to do a full review here.  Suffice it to say I wouldn't suggest using Go! Airlines.  It is cheaper, but you get what you pay for when it comes to Go!. 

first view of Maui

Maui's Kahului airport

We flew into Kahului Airport in Maui, and it was another "open air" airport - dated but very pleasant.

Our first stop after we picked up our rental car was to the grocery store.  We picked up food for the four days we would be in the condo - which was located between Hana and Kipahulu on Maui's eastern coast.  Then we started our 3 hour drive to Hana.  According to wikipedia, "although Hāna is only about 52 miles (84 km) from Kahului, it takes about 2.5 hours to drive when no stops are made as the highway is very winding and narrow and passes over 59 bridges, 46 of which are only one lane wide. There are approximately 620 curves along Route 360 from just east of Kahului to Hāna, virtually all of it through lush, tropical rainforest. Many of the concrete and steel bridges date back to 1910 and all but one are still in use."  My husband drove the whole time, and he found the northern part of the Hana Highway to be a challenging drive, but it was the southern part of the road (past Hana) that was truly more treacherous.  The south road was barely paved in many places and had many steep, cliff-like edges without guard rails.  The locals take both north and south roads at what we inexperienced Hana Highwayers would consider break-neck speeds, but the southern road is more treacherous by far and is consequently one of the areas not covered by rental car contracts.  Admittedly, we did drive the south road in the middle of the night to get to our sunrise bike tour, but that comes later.  

surfers on the Maui's north shore

We learned a little about Hawaiian politics.

This is from our first drive up The Road to Hana.

more surfers on the north shore

The side of the road opposite the coastal side was almost all ranch/farm land,
which we found very interesting in the middle of the tropical landscape.

Northeastern Shore of Maui

hidden gully

Notice the rain in the background of this photo.  We found this was typical of Maui weather - lots of sprinkles/misty rain that would last for a few minutes with the sun still visible in the sky.

I took this as the sun had finally set on our first trip to Hana.

We arrived at Ala'aina' Ocean Vista Bed and Breakfast after 10:00 PM on the 27th, and we settled in for the night.  As we were taking things from the car to our room, we kept hearing loud thuds - as things were hitting the ground around us, and we found out the next day that they had been ripe mangoes that were falling from centuries-old mango trees in the yard.  Fortunately, we made it to our room without being hit by flying fruit and started checking out the place in the dark.  I have to say I loved Ala'aina.  I could live there.  I could die there.  It was one of the most sincerely serene places I've ever been.  It was completely run on solar power, and the water system consisted of reclaimed rain water.  My husband wasn't a huge fan of that system - because the electricity was a little dim at night, the LP gas refrigerator was a little warmer than he would have liked, and water didn't get hot right away.  I thought these were small prices to pay for the blessing of relaxation.  There was no AC, but, honestly, even when we had the option of AC on the trip, we never used it.  We just opened windows, and we were more than comfortable - as if humanity was designed with a mild tropical climate in mind.    I wasn't able to use curling iron, blow dryers, or things like that, and that made it feel like vacation to me!  There are few places/times in my life when I've felt completely free to go all "hippie"... wear what I like, let my hair run wild, etc.  (If you know me at all, you will be thinking right about now, "Let her hair run wild?  I thought she always did that."  To that I can only say that I've become fairly certain that my hair is its own entity, and I do my best to tame it.)  Without beauty tools at my disposal, I felt free... and the birds quite possibly felt a sudden sense of security - as if nesting materials might temporarily be in more abundant supply.  

We spent the next morning exploring the property of Ala'aina Ocean Vista, and these are some of the breathtaking things we saw:

view to the south of the room

view to the east of the room

beautiful gardens at the bottom of the stairs off our deck

view inland (behind) the property
The tree to the far left is a century-old mango tree.  The tree in the middle foreground is an avocado tree.

My absolute favorite feature of this property, the outdoor shower and tub were located just outside our living quarters in the middle of the garden overlooking the ocean.  Although the room had an indoor glass block shower, we enjoyed these facilities so much more!  It was a first for me to bathe outdoors, but it was a perfectly lovely, one-of-a-kind experience I'll never match.  If I ever had the chance myself, I'd definitely make one of these tubs a part of my garden.  The tub drained out into the garden area and fed the plants.

a snail friend we found in one of the gardens

the main house of Ala 'aina' Ocean Vista

The Hana Highway - south road... This was the more treacherous part of the drive - although extremely beautiful and secluded.  This was on our way to an out-of-the-way waterfall that Samahdi (the B and B owner) told us we could hike to and swim in alone.

some fresh avocado from one of the trees at Ala'aina'

We had gone down to the waterfall that Samahdi had told us we would find to be romantic and deserted - both of which were true.  It hadn't rained much in the few days prior to our going there.  Consequently, there was only a trickle of water flowing over the rocks into the pool below.  The pool was shallow at the edges and deep in the middle and very chilly.  The air temperature in the sun in Hawaii is a tropical 78-85 degrees on average.  In the shade of this rocky area, the air temp was probably around 72.  The water was frigid.  However, I decided that swimming in this pool was a must.  I knew I might never have the opportunity again.  So I went in up to my waist.  After MUCH convincing, Mark came out with me, and we swam awhile.  When I went to get out, my feet were very tender in response to the rocks on the pool bottom.  Mark teased and teased me the whole way out of the pool - saying I looked like a monkey.

Me in the waterfall pool - notice the small trickle of water over the rocks...

This next series of photos is of one of my favorite moments in Hawaii... definitely one of my favorite moments in our married life.  This was a visual representation of how our marriage most often works.  We are laughers.  We tease one another.  We can laugh at ourselves and each other without fear of hurt feelings or insecurity.  It is so nice to be that kind of vulnerable with another person.  It's not uncommon for us to laugh until we can't breathe, but this is the only time to date that marital phenomenon has been captured photographically.

When Mark saw this, I asked him if he'd be embarrassed if I posted it on Facebook, and he said, "There was a time when I wouldn't have liked that, but I'm fine with it.  It's funny."  One of his friends from work gave me a hard time, saying he wouldn't appreciate the posting, but happily I was able to respond that I had asked him,and he was fine with it.  Totally secure in who he is, he is more attractive to me every day.

These are some interesting trees we saw on the hike to the falls.

After spending Monday exploring the private falls, we headed back to spend the afternoon/evening making dinner and enjoying a quiet evening at Ala'aina'.

View from our deck

the dining area - outdoors like most everything else was

the view from the deck into part of our bedroom/bathroom

The outdoor kitchen was one of my other favorite parts about this property.  We cooked many delicious meals out here on the burner.  The refrigerator was LP-powered and whisper quiet.  The area was perfectly adequate for cooking.

our unmade bed - happy to say I didn't make a single bed the whole vacation 

the big, beautiful glass block shower (didn't get much use because of the outdoor option)

The second night we stayed in Kipahulu (August 28) we traveled the south Hana road to a bike company that did sunrise bike tours from the top of the Haleakala volcano crater to the base of the mountain.  We were really looking forward to this part of our vacation.  We went to bed early the night before the tour, and we woke up at 12:30am to get to the bike company on the other side of the island by 3:00am.  We saw some wild pigs and some mongoose on the way there.  We really enjoyed the tour.  It was very educational and just, plain fun.  The top of the mountain was a little chilly and rainy during the sunrise time, but there were hot drinks and snuggling in the visitor's station at the top of the mountain, and we got in on that and made the best of a rainy morning.  We stopped for breakfast on the way down the mountainside at a restaurant that overlooked the rest of the island and ocean.  It was fantastic.

at the top of Haleakala bike tour staging area

On the way back up to Ala 'aina' we got to see more of the Hana Highway in the daylight hours.  We stopped for some fresh pineapple and shave ice.  We stopped at some roadside markets and got some souvenirs.  Mark bought me a flower shell necklace.  We got home toward evening and cooked dinner in the outdoor kitchen and turned in early.

some of the falls on the Hana Highway

This concludes part one of the blog about the Hawaii 2012 trip.  There is a lot more to come, but I have to pace myself time-wise.  It has taken me a week to get this one done.  I hope it was informative.  If you have any questions, leave them in the comment area, and I'll try to get back to you.